turning thirty

turning thirty

On a rainy day last week, Ella and I were cuddling in bed after her nap and she was playing with my hands. Her dimpled, tiny, six-month-old hands against my almost 30-year-old hands. It got me thinking about the passage of time and the enormous growth that takes place over a decade.

In our first ten years we go from a tiny helpless babe to a freethinking, active, wiry, curious, fifth grader. We learn to smile. We learn to speak and to read, we learn the names for all things. We learn how to order off a menu, how to throw a ball, how to apologize. We learn about friendship and family. We learn about home and about the world. We learn to play and to laugh, to negotiate, to bake cookies, and to use our imaginations. 

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five!

five!

Five months! When you were still tiny and new and we came across older babies, I sometimes thought, “I can’t wait until she's older.” I would scold myself for wishing time away, and focus on enjoying you in the moment. Now that we’re here, I wouldn’t go back—I love this age more than any previous—and I already feel myself mourning its end. It's a good thing you can't wish for time to pass faster than it already does. You also can’t go back, which is why mamas’ hearts burst open as their babies grow.

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Portraits of Rachel // Fat and the Moon

Portraits of Rachel // Fat and the Moon

I first discovered Fat and the Moon while nannying for Wendy, who uses a baby salve on Veda that smells divine and works like magic. Turns out the woman behind the potions is equally magic. Wise beyond her years and crazy accomplished—not to mention strikingly beautiful and wicked smart—Rachel has a warm and calming presence and the unique ability to put you at ease and make you feel heard. In December she reached out about taking photos for a book she is going to be a part of, and I jumped at the opportunity. It felt like a gift, the time we enjoyed making portraits, talking babies, and learning about her life and work.

We started at her gorgeous home with her man, his girls, and their pups, then she took me to Fat and the Moon HQ and showed me where the magic happens, and lastly we went for a walk in the mountains―baby Ella in tow!―where the sky turned purple and snow fell out on the drive home. It's hard to pick a favorite, I loved it all so much.

See for yourself―this lady is clearly an inspiration, and I feel lucky call her a friend.

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four

four

Dear Ella,

All of a sudden time is moving faster than I thought possible, and the leaps and bounds you've made the past month astound me. You love chewing on your toys and are getting more coordinated at grasping and bringing items to your mouth. If you don't have a toy, you happily gnaw away on your shirt, bib, or fist. The drool is plentiful, with still no signs of teeth. You laugh out loud when I kiss the sides of your belly (we share the same tickle spot). You love to fly up above our heads, and think it's hilarious when we pretend like we're going to drop you, or when we roll you onto your side and back again really fast. You're a thrill seeker and have been since the beginning. I can't wait to take you on your first roller coaster, (when I asked your dad if he would take you, his response was "do I have to?") Haha.

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jungle baby

jungle baby

Our flight leaves just after noon today and the morning is laden with heavy sighs. It's always sad leaving my parent's house in Hilo, more so now because of the extra effort it took to get here with an infant, and how sweet it is having extra arms to hold and extra hearts to love our girl. The time goes by so quickly, I never get to do as much while I'm here as I wanted to. It's always been hard having family live far away, but it's never been this hard. Lucky for us, my parents are coming to California in February, so we have that to look forward to, and we'll facetime in between. This girl loved the beach, loved the garden, and we loved dressing in her in less clothes so we could enjoy her gorgeous chub! We haven't even left and we already can't wait to be back. 

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