childless on mother's day

This day last year was hard for me, desperately wanting to be a mother and knowing that if I could only get through it, it would be the last Mother's Day that I wasn't. And I was wrong. I never imagined our journey to conceive would last this long (and it's really a drop in the bucket compared to how long many couples try) but this Mother's Day I am not feeling as much angst. I know I will be a mom someday. Holding in the feeling of my heart splitting for something I want more than anything was the hardest part. I felt like I was walking around cloaked in a blanket of sadness that no one could know about and it was a lonely place. And I have more compassion now because of it.

Mother's Day is a complicated holiday. There are those of us who are missing our mothers passed or who never had a mother present. There are those of us who have lost children, which is the most heartbreaking of all. There are those of us longing to be mothers and those of us in the trenches being told to enjoy it while they're young because they grow up fast! And there is so much damn pressure.

I hope for all women, no matter where you find yourself, that today is a day you can love and appreciate yourself for all you have to give. You are no less, you are everything. And my own mom? I couldn't have asked for a better one. She made motherhood look effortless and she mothers with endless joy and intention. She's the warmest, most generous person I know and I am lucky to have her as my example. I love you mom.